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Marriage is from the
guidance that was brought by the Prophets and Messengers.
Allah says: “And we have
made for them spouses and progeny.” [Sûrah al-Ra`d: 38]
Prophet Muhammad (peace be
upon him) said: “I swear by Allah. I am the most God-fearing and devout
person among you; nevertheless I fast as well as break my fast, I pray as
well as rest, and I marry women. Whoever desires something other than my
Sunnah is not from me.”
Getting married is a
response to Allah’s call when He says: “Marry those among you who are
single, or the virtuous ones among your slaves, male or female: if they are
in poverty, Allah will enrich them from His bounty: for Allah encompasses
all, and he knows all things.” [Sûrah al-Nûr: 32]
It is likewise a response
to the Prophet’s call when he said: “O assembly of young men, whoever among
you has the wherewithal to marry should do so, because it helps to lower
the gaze and safeguards the chastity of the private parts. Whoever is not
able to marry must fast, because fasting diminishes sexual power.”
This is why `Umar said:
“Whoever calls you to eschew marriage is calling you to something other
than Islam.”
Once `Umar saw a man who
had never married, despite his being rather advanced in years. `Umar said
to him: “Nobody abandons marriage except someone who is either impotent or
a flagrant sinner.”
Marriage is the Islamically
lawful way of fulfilling our natural physical desires. A person who cannot
fulfill his needs in a lawful way is more likely to transgress into the
domain of what is forbidden.
Allah says: “Those who
safeguard their private parts, except before their mates or those whom
their right hands possess, for (in their case) they are free from blame.”
[Sûrah al-Mu’minûn: 5-6]
Allah says: “And among His
Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye
may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between
your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” [Sûrah
al-Rûm: 21]
A notable thinker once
said: “I am prepared to forsake all the women of the world and all the
bounty of the world for the sake of a woman who, if I were late for dinner,
would fret over me and be taken with worry.”
The Prophet (peace be upon
him) elevated marital life and intimacy between a husband and wife to the
level of worship, saying: “When one of you has relations with his wife, it
is an act of charity. None of you spends anything without Allah rewarding
you for it, even a morsel of food that you place in your wife’s mouth.”
A happy marriage is built
upon sound foundations. It then has the potential to be the strength of
nations, renewing is youth and providing it with robust future generations.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Marry fertile and loving women, for
I would have our population increase in this way.”
A happy marriage is also an
opportunity for different families to come together and for people of
different cities and lands to come to know one another.
A study was conducted by a
psychologist to determine whether men or women were more conducive to
happiness and it was found that women were both more likely than men to be
completely happy and more likely than men to be utterly miserable. If a
woman enjoys the essentials of a happy life – a good home, an upright
husband, children, and health – then she is likely to be happy and
contented. Conversely, if she is denied these things, she can easily
succumb to depression and despair to a degree that men are unlikely to ever
experience.
Of course, success and
failure in marriage is a very subjective issue. What one person sees as a
successful marriage another might view as an abject failure. Nevertheless,
there are some factors which are generally agreed upon that can be used as
a basis for discussion. For instance, a marriage wherein the wife has no
respect for her husband and no concerned for his reputation can hardly be
called a successful marriage. Likewise no one would dare describe as
successful a marriage where the husband neglects his household and abandons
his wife and children in order to pursue his personal interests.
Success and failure are
variable conditions. A marriage might start off successful and then fail.
Alternatively, a marriage might start off as a failure, but with the effort
of both spouses, the marriage can come right. What is desired is for
marriage to be a way for people to find security and happiness. The most
successful of marriages is the marriage that provides worldly happiness
while helping to facilitate our happiness in the Hereafter.
There are three factors
that are absolutely critical for success: communication, love, and
sacrifice. From this starting point, the following steps can be taken to
realize marital happiness:
1. Getting to know the obstacles that people must confront
in their married life, the factors that lead to failure, and how to
overcome them.
2. Cultivating one’s reliance upon Allah and one’s awareness
that He is close to us. Having such an awareness is one of the causes of
salvation.
3. Developing willpower.
Dr. `Abd al-Rahmân
Habannakah al-Maydânî, in his book Islamic Morals and their Foundations,
offers the following guidelines by which we may assess the strength of our
willpower:
• How promptly do I embark upon good and virtuous deeds?
• How optimistic am I?
• How patient and forbearing am I when faced with problems?
• How well do I control my anger?
If we want to strengthen
our willpower, we must do the following:
1. We must strengthen our faith in Allah. We must focus on
cultivating our faith in His most noble attributes and in His divine
determination of all affairs.
2. We must strive to purify our souls.
3. We must engage in as much worship as we can.
Psychologists have
confirmed that using a systematic approach of self-inspiration is the most
effective way to strengthening our willpower.
An Islamic program of
restoring marital bliss would have to include the following:
• Transformation of pain into happiness and of adversity
into opportunity by being content with Allah’s decree.
• Supplications and penitence. How many obstacles to marital
bliss have been overcome with prayer?
• Looking at matters in a simple light. Experience has shown
us that the more simple and straightforward view we take, the easier our
problems are to solve. We should not go overboard in our depiction of our
circumstances and our complaints. We should not seek to blacken the past.
Our goals can only be reached by remaining levelheaded and patient.
• Establishing a proper time and place for frank and open
discussion where each party is mentally prepared to listen to what the
other has to say and to speak in a calm and decent manner. Many problems
have been overcome in this way. Indeed all problems can be discussed and
openness brings relief.
By: Sheikh Salman bin Fahd
Al-Oadah
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