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By no means is love a sickness in and of itself. Indeed,
it is the only known cure for many of the problems and ailments that we as
human beings suffer from. However, love can turn into an illness if it
becomes obsessive, if it goes beyond its proper bounds, or if the object of
love is not worthy. When such a situation develops, love indeed becomes a
sickness requiring a remedy.
It is Allah’s order in the
world that he sends down to it no affliction without sending down with it
its cure. Love is no exception.
The treatment of this
illness is as follows:
1. As with all diseases, an ounce of prevention is worth a
pound of cure.
This is why we must lower
our gazes and resist taking a second glance at a member of the opposite sex
who attracts us. Allah says: “Say to the believing men that they should
lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That will make for greater
purity for them, and Allah is acquainted with all that they do. And say to
the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their
chastity…” [Sûrah al-Nûr: 30-31]
We can see how Allah first
issues the command to believing men, then repeats the command for believing
women, thus emphasizing the importance of lowering our gazes. The fact that
Allah addresses members of each sex individually shows just how important
and relevant this matter is to people of both sexes. Indeed, these verses
are one of the few occasions where Allah addresses men and women separately
in the Qur’ân.
The look is the beginning
that can lead to progressively greater ills. This is why Allah mentions it
first, and then follows it up with the command for us to guard our
chastity.
A poet long ago observed:
A glance, a smile, a
friendly hello,
Some chatting, a date, then
off they go!
If some of us find it
difficult to carry out this command, they should write these verses down on
a sheet of paper and hang them on their wall or place them on the dashboard
– whatever it takes to remind them.
2. Thinking about the consequences is often a sobering dose
of medicine.
The ability to think about
the far-reaching consequences of our actions is one of the distinctive
qualities that set humanity apart from other animals. This is why a person
just does not go ahead and do everything that tickles his fancy. He first
has to think about what is behind it and what will come of it.
For instance, he might
pause to think, before embarking upon a certain course of action, that if
he does so, he might succumb to AIDS. He might reflect upon how that
dreaded disease has already claimed tens of millions of lives, how some of
those who were careful – who chose only one sexual partner who even had an
AIDS test – nevertheless came down with the disease.
How many people like that
do we hear about, some of whom come out and admit that the disease befell
them as a punishment from Allah, and hoping that it might at least expiate
for their sin?
The same can be said for
all the other sexually transmitted diseases. The worst thing of all is to
think that an indiscreet man can infect his pious, faithful, and chaste
wife with one of these vile diseases.
Another consequence to
think about is pregnancy. A man who had repented for his sins once admitted
to me that he had intentionally chosen to involve himself with a woman who
was sterile. Regardless, Allah wanted her to fall pregnant and she did.
We should not be heedless
of the consequences of our actions. Does anyone want to be responsible for
someone coming into this world with no idea who his father is; someone who
starts out life already disadvantaged?
Maybe one of us will pay
the price for his misdeed in this world. Maybe he will get away with it
here, going through life unrepentant and unscathed, only to be humiliated
for it before the eyes of all on the Day of Judgment.
Some of the evil
consequences of this behavior are psychological in nature. A man, once
enamored of women, gets to the point that he can never be satisfied. He
eternally craves variety and no degree of beauty is enough. Because of
this, he may find himself eternally forbidden the lawful pleasure to be
found within marriage. His senses and his sentiments have all been dulled.
Some young men travel
abroad and spend their time in the company of prostitutes and other women
of ill repute, but if one of them were ever to hear that his wife back home
so much as looked at another man indiscreetly, he would divorce her on the
spot.
One man lamented: “I would
forsake all the women of the world for the sake of one woman whom I knew
would get worried if I came home at night a little bit late.” This is the
sentiment of any man who possesses wisdom.
3. The communion of lawful love is the best cure of all.
All of the stories of love
that we find in our literature – whether it be that of Jamîl and Buthaynah,
Kuthayyir and `Azzah, Qays and Laylâ, or for that matter their English
equivalent Romeo and Juliet – deal with the anguish of unrequited love.
Allah has placed in what is
lawful all that we need so we can dispense with what He has made unlawful.
It provides the most fulfilling, satisfying, and deepest expression of
love.
The Prophet (peace be upon
him) said: “We see for those who are in love nothing better than marriage.”
[Sunan Ibn Mâjah (1847) and Mustadrak Hâkim (2724) with a good chain of
transmission]
Lawful matrimony is what
brings healing to the heart and removes its disquiet. If it is not written
for a certain man and women to come together in matrimony, each of them
should have faith that there are many others out there with whom Allah can
enrich them with a meaningful and loving relationship.
4. Resignation and a willingness to forsake what is wrong.
No matter how painful it
may be to part, it is sometimes necessary. The Prophet (peace be upon him)
said: “Whoever maintains his chastity, does so with the grace of Allah.
Whoever finds self-sufficiency does so with what Allah has enriched him.
Whoever is patient draws his fortitude from Allah. And no one has been
given a gift better or more bountiful than patience.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî
(1469) and Sahîh Muslim (1053)]
Whoever gives something up
for Allah’s sake should know that Allah will give him in its stead
something far better.
5. Channeling one’s energies and abilities into what is
nobler, more precious, and sublime – the love of Allah
We express this love by
bringing benefit to His creatures, by our obedience to Him, by our prayers,
our fasts, our remembrance of Him, our supplications, and our humility. We
do so by keeping the company of righteous people and by aspiring to the
noblest and most beneficial of goals.
We should channel our
energies into what benefits us in our worldly lives and in our faith. Allah
says: “Seek Allah’s help with patience and perseverance. It is indeed
difficult except upon those who are humble.” [Sûrah al-Baqarah: 45]
He says: “Whoever puts his
trust in Allah, sufficient is Allah for him.” [Sûrah al-Talâq: 3]
A heart that is full of
concern for others will be a heart that is full of love – but not a slave
to love. It is an empty heart that falls stricken for any visitor who
graces its doorstep.
We should take full
advantage of our lives and be as productive as possible. We need to develop
our talents, our minds, and put our creativity into practice. Yes! Be
enamored – but be enamored of truth and knowledge. Be fully in love – but
be in love with righteousness.
By: Sheikh Salman al-Oadah
Location: IslamToday
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